


rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife

by beepbedeep



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: #tophdeservestobeloved, F/M, I will die on this hill!!!, bff + fifteen years equals girlfriend??, rebuilding rebuilding rebuilding!!!!, sokka just wants to protect his FAMILY, sokka would be SUCH A GOOD DAD, this isn't really the point but if toph and katara are good sisters!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:06:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29148663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beepbedeep/pseuds/beepbedeep
Summary: A secret: he loves his friends more than anything. With Ozai gone everything feelsdifferent, but the one thing he knows is that they’ll never getting rid of each other. He calculates the time by Aang’s bright grin, could build a shelter for them all out of Katara’s bubbling laugh, and counts on Toph’s sarcastic comments as their bedrock. He loves them. He can’t believe he got this lucky.)ORSokka figures out what really matters to him, even if it takes a few years
Relationships: Toph Beifong/Sokka
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43





	1. life was a willow and it bent right to your wind

It goes like this.

When Sokka is sixteen his sister wakes up one morning and can do something she _really shouldn’t be able to do_. His mom is gone, his dad isn’t here, but there’s no way in hell he’s losing his sister. He doesn’t sleep for three nights, instead he formulates a plan to keep her safe, what he’ll do to save her, and after he finally finishes it he sleeps for twenty hours straight. 

Four months later he and Katara take a boat for the day and come back with one more skinny boy and one more sky bison than they left with. That’s where it starts, really.

Next they save the world, which is pretty cool sometimes and really scary other times and Sokka tries his best to _protect everyone_. Sometimes he fails, sometimes he doesn’t, and when they’re done a huge weight lifts off his shoulders, a weight that’s been steadily getting heavier since the first time his people were attacked with smoke and shrapnel. The whole experience is “super formative” or whatever, and shapes the actual rest of his life, but as the dust settles all he can think is _I’m so glad we’re all still here_.

Afterward he’s kind of a _heartthrob_ , or that’s what Suki tells him, in her teasing voice that reminds him of the first time they met. Suki agreeing to be his girlfriend is kind of the coolest thing to ever happen to him, even cooler than his boomerang actually being useful, and he wears his new relationship with pride, peppering _have you met my girlfriend_ into so many conversations that Katara starts to flick water against his ears and even Aang rolls his eyes, but Sokka thinks that they deserve to brag a little. After all, they survived what could have been the _end of the world_. 

(A secret: he loves his friends more than _anything_. With Ozai gone everything feels different, but the one thing he knows is that they’ll never getting rid of each other. He calculates the time by Aang’s bright grin, could build a shelter for them all out of Katara’s bubbling laugh, and counts on Toph’s sarcastic comments as their bedrock. He loves them. He can’t believe he got this lucky.)

(A fun fact: This is not a secret. Everyone knows. Sokka would travel the world three times over for his friends, but he never perfects his poker face, anyone who knows him can slide behind the curtain with ease.)

So that’s how it starts. And then the start is over, and then they all go from there. Home and back again and new homes and new responsibilities and Toph laughing so hard she spits noodles across the table, while Katara beams at the reaction and Aang dives to protect the rest of the food.

The things he remembers most from those in-between years.

1\. Suki’s smile, her warm hands, the way he never beats her in combat practice  
2\. Traveling even more than before, kingdom to kingdom to home  
3\. Seeing his name next to the title _Ambassador_ for the first time  
4\. Never traveling alone  
5\. Zuko falling asleep at his throne at least seven times a month for the first few years, and his good natured grin at being woken up   
6\. Katara flexing her fingers after healing a bruise, the joy flickering in her eyes  
7\. His dad’s hugs, more than he’s had for the past five years, tight and safe every time  
8\. Aang getting _really tall_ all of a sudden, and the way something like _pride_ tightened in Sokka’s chest at the sight  
9\. Aang getting good at this avatar thing, really good  
10\. Katara laughing as much as she used to when they were kids  
11\. Feeling like a kid again, for the first time in a while  
12\. Suki going back to Kioshi Island, training all the new girls with her friends, jumping into his arms every time he visits  
13\. Suki letting him push her hair out of her face  
14\. Toph weirdly getting good at being nice when she wants to  
15\. Toph mostly still wanting to be a little mean at all times  
16\. Toph and Aang falling over themselves laughing on his birthday  
17\. Katara’s excitement each time she found a new waterbending trick  
18\. The lightness in his chest never really going away  
19\. The morning he realizes his friends are all doing things they like, that he's doing what he likes, that he still loves them _so much_

And then, before he really realizes it, they’re adults, _actual adults_ , with Adult Things To Do. Everything is different and nothing has changed and they’re still rebuilding and Aang still gets distracted by Katara when she walks into the room and Toph still makes Sokka laugh harder than anyone else can, and Zuko asks for their opinions weekly. All in all, it’s really nice. 

Katara decides they need a home base, and so Airbender Island becomes a house they all stay in whenever they’re close by, decorated in the haphazard way one would expect of a bunch of 20-somethings bringing random stuff in from wherever they just came from. For a while, it’s Sokka’s favorite place in the world. (At the same time he starts spending most of his time near Republic City, or back at the South Pole, Suki stops having time to visit. The last time he goes to visit she hugs him long and hard before pulling back and he recognizing the look on her face – it’s been staring back at him every time he looks in the mirror for the past month. They laugh a lot that night, and cry a little. When he leaves he can’t shake the feeling that she might be the best thing that’s ever been his. Then he gets back to the city, is met by Katara’s sympathetic face, his favorite food, a night of stories from Aang, and an awkward hug from Toph that’s actually really nice, _how did you guess?_

 _Because I know you, stupid._ He has his friends, his favorite people, everything is going to be just fine. 

Aang and Katara get married the next year, a move that feels both way too early and years late, but is good either way. He doesn’t-not cry when Katara walks down the aisle, Aang audibly sniffles when she takes his hands at the front of the room, the whole world celebrates, and he spends the night with Toph. Somewhere between her goading someone at their table to take a seventh shot and the way she grasped his hands when he asks her to dance he realizes this still short, still acerbic, startlingly beautiful girl might be his best friend in the entire world. Katara is his favorite sister, Aang is officially his younger brother, and Toph just makes his whole life better. 

At the end of the night, after Katara and Aang make their escape, once Mai and Zuko wave goodbye, _totally drunk Toph_ pulls his arm around her shoulders and as he takes her home he realizes she smells like flowers. He sleeps on her couch and she doesn’t get out of bed the next day so they spend their post-wedding hangover in compatible silence just like they’ve always been able to do, and somehow, in her tiny apartment with a pounding headache and her head tucked under his chin, he’s content.

So yeah. That’s how it starts.


	2. Chapter 2

The second half is more interesting, Sokka thinks. Or worse, harder to live through, but either way it’s how they all grow old, and he wouldn’t have it any differently.

Aang and Katara come back from their honeymoon the next month, giggly and flushed the same way they’ve always been, only slightly delayed by a few Avatar-emergencies on the way back. In their absence Toph and Sokka set up shop on Air Temple Island, spending all their free time creating increasingly absurd rock sculptures, obstacle courses that can only be used at night, and a truly unnecessary quantity of dirty jokes. 

They go into the city together, her to meet students and him to put together the city council, and the tenth or eleventh time they part ways for the day Sokka gets a twinge in his stomach at 3pm and realizes he _misses_ her. And it’s not that he’s unused to missing people, his friends are constantly scattered across the globe, but he doesn’t usually _twinge_ like this. Especially when said person is meeting him for dinner in a few hours, when she’ll scoff and elbow him before quietly flashing the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen. 

Sokka hasn’t been codependent since he was a teenager, scared that he might accidentally fall off Appa’s back in the middle of the night but somehow, left entirely to their own devices, he and Toph are falling right back into old patterns, except different, because this is _totally new_ , and still exactly them. He misses her. She flicked fruit at his shoulder this morning and cackled when he retaliated and he misses her. He’s not sure what to make of that yet. (Also, does Appa know when to leave his best-human-friend and new wife alone? Do he and Aang have some kind of sock on the doorknob secret code? Sokka’s spent a large chunk of the last fifteen years trying to _never see his sister involved in any kind of sex adjacent activity_ and he hopes Appa has escape plans. A lot of escape plans.) (He mentions this to Toph that evening, she snorts, and Sokka thinks that all the years of Katara’s eye rolling at his jokes were absolutely worth it if they led to this..)

The day they _actually_ get back Sokka wakes up to the sound of thumping in the next room and his face pressed into a pillow that smells exactly like Toph. AKA, not the bed he’s been staying in. He still wakes up fast, a hard earned instinct from their vigilante times, but this morning he blinks slowly as last night hums its way through his skin. He would stay like his forever, surrounded by a scent he now distinctly associates with the skin of Toph’s shoulders and the quickly-sharpening memory of her hands on his arms, her hair falling into his face, the way her breath speeds up and her eyes get warm. Instead he hears a louder thump, a familiar _oh fuck_ , and a truly defeated sigh, so he locates and puts on his pants before leaving the room to investigate. (He didn’t really expect Toph to _stay and wake up with him_ , but now he’s entertaining how it would feel to pull her against his chest in the morning, her legs brushing against his and then all of a sudden he’s thinking about _next time_ when he probably shouldn’t even talk to her about _this time_ , and anyway. It’s beside the point.) 

In the room next door, he finds Toph, sitting atop the mattress that had been on his bed, but they’re both on the floor and Toph, the greatest earthbender the world has ever known, looks like she wants to disembowel the fitted sheet in her hands. He almost laughs, but she whips her head around to him in the way that she always does, the way that reminds him _nothing gets past her_ (seriously, if you want to keep your secrets don’t be friends with someone who not only can see everything all the time, but can also check on your heartbeat and breath without blinking an eye.) _I figured doing some laundry would be nice, let the newlyweds come back to a clean house and everything._

 _Cool, so you’ve got this? I guess I’ll go take a nap-_

He grins and she throws the sheet at him with a saccharine smile. _Get over here and help me, handsome._

Turns out the problem isn’t that Toph’s approximately five feet tall, the sheet’s just evil, but they get it on with minimal death threats and by the time Appa sets down outside, the house looks like two perfectly reasonable adults made a huge mess, cleaned it, and swept at least half the rooms, so Sokka thinks they did a pretty good job. After hugs, and more hugs, and more hugs, Aang and Katara head into the house that really belongs to them, Toph and Sokka leave to their separate apartments (it’s the first night in a month they haven’t been in the same house, and Sokka tries to not think about that.) As they get on the ferry across the water he puts his arm around Toph’s shoulders before he can think about it, miraculously she doesn’t pull away, and Katara looks at him with a question in her eyes that he decides to ignore. They’ll deal with this later. 

Later turns out to be a LOT later. Katara’s pregnant, and everyone is excited, but kids are a totally new thing for their little family. Zuko shows up to Air Temple Island with no warning at completely random times, Aang flutters around his wife nonstop, and so more than once Sokka shows up at Toph’s apartment to find her and Katara relaxing on the couch, gasping for breath after Katara whips out one of her impressions. He’ll join them, listen to Katara gripe about her feet and nausea, watch Toph flick away her troubles (they’ve been doing this for years, Toph can whip out a sarcastic comment and make Katara smile, something about their wildly different ideas about the world letting them sooth each other’s concerns in a way no one else can replicate) and Toph will rest her hand on his leg, tracing elaborate patterns across the fabric. It’s so casually affectionate that sometimes he can’t breathe. 

Eventually Katara always heaves herself up, smiles the same way she’s been smiling since she was six, and hugs them both before leaving. Toph usually sighs something like _thank god that’s not me_ before taking their cups to the kitchen. Sokka follows or doesn’t, but either way she doesn’t kick him out, either way they gossip about mutual acquaintances and the intensity of Aang’s nesting instincts through dinner, either way he kisses her ( _again and again and again_ ) before he leaves for the night, and some nights he doesn’t leave at all. 

When Bumi’s born everything gets thrown up in the air for a few weeks (he’s the first baby, none of them really know what to do, next time it’s all easier) and Sokka is A) very, very proud of his sister, B) amused by and still proud of Aang, and C) really fucking happy?? He hasn’t spent any consistent time around babies, or even little kids, since he was a kid. (It’s one of the things he most regrets about not living at the South Pole full time, all the things like this he misses) Maybe Bumi is special, or they’re all this cool, but he loves being an uncle, even the weird, gross parts. 

He only takes short trips away for the first few months, takes Bumi off his parents’ hands so they can nap at any opportunity, and sees Toph whenever he can, brings her lunch once a week, makes dinner for them while she tells him about her students’ antics, and listens to her breath when his heartbeat startles him awake in the middle of the night. (In moments of psychic Toph-ness, a time when her seismic sense really is so much better than anything he can do, she’ll reach for him in the dark, still half asleep, when she feels him wake up, pulling herself into his arms and staying there until the sun rises.) 

Mai and Zuko are officially engaged (!!!), they break the news over breakfast one weekend when everyone is at the air temple, Bumi crawling across the floor, Toph and Katara smirking at some inside joke, and Aang trying to convey the importance of a niche avatar duty to Sokka. Aang almost cries, I’m just really happy for you both, Katara hugs them both approximately 52 times, Toph applauds, grinning the way she only does around them and Sokka watches it all, clapping Zuko on the shoulder, thinking _wow, I love my family_. It is a family, in every sense of the word, it’s made room for Bumi, and Sokka can’t wait to see what happens next. Together, if the past is any indication, they can get through anything. 

About a year and a half after Bumi, a few months before the Fire Kingdom wedding, Toph isn’t working at the same time Sokka has to go to a distant part of the Earth Kingdom for a few weeks. He asks her to go, she says yes, and it’s only on the train out of the city that he realizes they’re going somewhere dangerously close to where she grew up. (Not dangerously in a real sense of the word, but something about going too near her family makes Toph feel like a terrified child again, no matter how assertive and powerful she is now.) _Are you sure you want to come? I didn’t realize where exactly-_

She hums lightly, _are you trying to get rid of me Sokka?_

_No, of course not-_

_Then we’re good. Now move, I want to see out the window._

Even after all these years he instinctively jerks out of the way before getting the joke, and she cackles before curling under his arm for the rest of the ride. It’s nice, impossibly nice somehow, to sit on a train with his best friend (who also happens to be so pretty) in front of everyone like this. The trip is good, he talks to the people he needs to, they eat a lot of food, Toph cries once and they stay up all night talking about her family. She shows him her favorite places as a child, and he never thought they’d be here, not together, not like this, so more often than he’d like, he trips over his feet, overwhelmed by how perfect all this is – her hair fluttering in the wind, her lips against his in the dark.


	3. Chapter 3

So that, in short, is how they get here. 

Sokka’s stopped keeping his own place in the city, traveling sometimes, staying over on Airbender Island to help out with the _two_ kids, but the place he really _lives_ is Toph’s apartment, half covered in his stuff, his winter clothes shoved into the closet next to her combat armor. They still haven’t _talked_ about any of it, and by now he’s starting to think they never will, but everyone seems to get what’s happening, he and Toph almost live together, they have highly compatible senses of humor (a constant annoyance to literally everyone else), sometimes Toph kisses his jaw or he slides his arms around her waist in front of the rest of them, they tell one another most things first, and they’re _happy_ , so it’s ok. 

Katara asks him about it sometimes, asks if he wants to talk about how things are going, and Sokka wonders if she has a better idea of what _things_ are than he does, but then he’ll tell her something about Toph’s face in the morning, or how he went to see her teaching advanced metalbending, how she was totally in control and Katara will beam, pull him into a tight hug (her hugs get more like their mom’s every day) and whisper _I’m happy for you_. Against all odds, his life seems like it’s settling into place. 

It’s this sense of _rightness_ , this feeling that he’s never really had before, the desire to stay that prompts him to roll over one night, to run his hand across her shoulders. She hums appreciably, turns her face to him, relaxed and happy like Appa on a sunny day. And for some reason, some _unnamable reason_ , maybe a desire to see her smile like that for the rest of his life, maybe the sight of her in the arena, pulling rocks from the ground, her voice, pitched different by vulnerability, professing something about her partners, the way they’d laughed last night, the biting sarcasm that he knows won’t ever leave her system, the way she holds everyone she cares for so close, how last weekend on Air Temple Island she’d flicked water at him and he’d tackled her onto the beach, or just the way his stomach still flips when he hears her walk into the room, the way he loves her, wants her, is constantly amazed by her, it just comes out. _Marry me?_

Fun fact, this ruins everything. 

He can’t exactly describe what happens next, in the following weeks Katara will ask over and over _but what happened_ , and all he’ll remember is how she stiffened and pulled away, like a rubber band shot across the room, how she’d started shaking and wouldn’t look at him, and the only time he’s ever seen her remotely close to this before is _years_ ago, when her parents were after her, and even then it wasn’t this bad. 

And somehow, because their sharp edges and scars are all too present, the night ends in a fight, in tears, in him grabbing as much of his stuff as he can and leaving. As soon as her door shuts behind him all the adrenaline will drain out of his body, all the _talk to me’s_ and _leave, now’s_ , and they will both be alone. (He sleeps in the council chambers that night, goes to Air Temple Island the next day and no one asks him any questions, Aang brings the kids out to play with him and Sokka does his best to smile for them.) 

A few weeks pass, he thinks about Toph at least 75% of every day, but he’s pretty sure him going back to see her won’t make things better, that she needs to control things here, and when he asks Katara, she agrees. The problem is, Toph hasn’t ever been good at realizing how she feels in time, and after a month he takes an assignment that will send him to the Fire Kingdom for half a year. Aang hugs him when he leaves, the kids wave, Katara reminds him _we can’t wait to come and visit you!_ and then he’s gone. He sends a letter to Toph, telling her where he’s going, how she can reach him. There isn’t a response. 

He ends up staying even longer than he thought, seven months with Zuko and Mai, exploring parts of the Fire Kingdom he’s never seen before. Sokka really _does_ like this work, helping people rebuild from a century of events that have left scars on so many of them, and he starts thinking about going home, back to the South Pole, at least for a little while. Zuko is so happy here, relaxed and cheerful despite all of his responsibilities, him and Mai working as a well-coordinated team and Sokka can’t help but think _this is what home can do_.

Sokka had a home, or thought he did, but he hasn’t heard anything from or about Toph the whole time he’s been away and her absence still feels like an open wound, leaking blood everywhere he does. They’ve never done this before, never been so disconnected for so long, and Sokka doesn’t think he can keep pretending everything is fine for much longer. So. He hugs his Fire Nation friends, promises Zuko they’ll all come visit soon, and makes plans to go home, all the way home. He goes back to the city, tells Katara what his plans are, asks how she handles going back and forth from both places so often and this is why he _loves_ his sister, because she never has to ask why he’s doing something. 

Except this time, she’s hiding something. Katara has a _terrible_ poker face, he’s been able to see through it for literally her whole life, and right now? She’s holding back. She helps him plan and pack, tells Bumi and Kya that they’ll see him more when they’re at the South Pole now, she seems totally on board with everything and then, the night before he leaves, after the kids are in bed (which is always surprisingly early) Sokka can see her we need to talk face a mile away. It’s a cold night, but Katara pulls them both over to one of the biggest windows to hear the rain. They sit, Katara stares at him, he stares back and they break at the same time. _You need to go talk to her- I should go see her._

Katara smiles at him, sadness lining her eyes, _I’m not saying that you shouldn’t leave, but you two need to talk before you go._

_I don’t know if it’s a good idea, she wanted space, I don’t want to scare her._

_Sokka, she¬_ Katara cuts herself off, _Toph hasn’t been avoiding you because she’s mad._

_Have you talked to her??_

_Of course._

_And no one told me?_

_Sokka, you know we can’t let Toph cut herself off. She needs us, we need her, I guess we just tried to not talk about it around you._

_But we should have run into each other here, I’m on the island all the time-_

_We go to her. Me and Aang. Sokka, she-_ Katara can’t seem to finish her sentence. 

_What is it? Katara?_

_When you asked Toph to marry you she was upset._

_Yeah, I remember._

_She, I think she had to prove something to herself. About independence, or self-sufficiency. She’s-_

_Katara!_ Sokka doesn’t know why she can’t finish this sentence, his sister never has trouble saying what she thinks. 

_She’s pregnant, Sokka._

He wasn’t expecting that. _She’s?_

_She’s pregnant. It’s not yours._

And oh, now he gets it. _Idiot._

_What? She feels terrible._

He looks up at Katara, not even trying to hide the pain on his face because he knows she’ll see it no matter what he does. _She’s worried I’d be mad, right? Or hurt? Betrayed? She should know better._

_You aren’t?_

_No, of course, hearing that your girlfriend had to go out and fuck a bunch of other random people after you proposed sucks, but-_

_But?_

_We’re friends, Katara. Best friends. Everywhere we’ve gone for the last twenty years, every state dinner, every formal event, every ride with Appa, you and Aang sit together, Zuko sits with Mai, or the president, or someone important, and Toph and I get each other. And we have a great time. I’ve met so many people, and none of them are like her. I need her, Katara, I hate living without her, I hate-_

_Yes?_

_I hate that she felt like she couldn’t tell me this. I would have understood, you know? I pushed her, I scared her, I get it. I never want to hurt her, I never want her to hurt at all. I just – I love her. That wouldn’t have changed. It hasn’t._ He takes a breath, heavy and long like his dad used to before a fight. 

_Sokka?_

_Yes?_

_I’m not inside of this, so I might be wrong . . ._

_But?_

_I know Toph, I love her too, and sometimes I think she doesn’t know if we love her. She needs us, we all need each other, and I think that scares her, like she thinks we don’t love her as much as she needs us._

_So she runs first._

_Yeah. You know, we’re all so messed up. I forget that about us some days, it’s so easy between all the newness in the kingdoms. I get lost in the new waterbenders at home, all the peace we have, Aang’s stories about helping people, and the way my kids laugh, but none of us are ok. Our mom died. Our dad was gone for half of our time growing up. Our people were almost destroyed. Aang was stuck in a giant ice bubble for a hundred years and when he got out everyone he knew had been killed. His entire culture was gone. And then we all had to go and almost get killed ourselves a bunch of times. I think about this happening to Bumi or Kya and it makes me want to cry. You can’t get through that kind of stuff and be ok, Sokka. You know that as well as I do. We’re adults now, we’re safe now. We try to talk about all of that. We do our best. But we were totally broken kids, trying to protect ourselves against everything an evil warlord had to throw at us. Even if we’ve managed to put all our pieces back together those broken places still exist. They hurt more than everything else._

Sokka looks at his sister, eyes shining in the dark, and pulls her into a hug. She’s still – always – the smartest person he knows. _You haven’t mentioned Toph._

_Well we all have this pain: you, me, Aang, but we match. You and I had the same things happen, even if we felt it a little differently. And Aang’s pain isn’t from exactly the same thing- But it’s similar._

_Yes._

_And we get each other. I know what to ask you because I know how you feel. I feel the same way. But Toph’s fear is so different than the rest of us. I think we forget to ask her about it because of that. Oh. She’s never been scared of her whole family being killed because her family tortured her, until she ran away. And then they chased her for years. She was captive, she was a hostage of her own family. Sokka, we’ve always been loved, even when we lost mom. Toph wasn’t. For years and years she wasn’t. And I think she’s still trying to escape, I think deep down she doesn’t understand she’s safe now. Some nights I can’t sleep because I’m so scared someone will take me away from my kids. And Aang wakes up in the middle of the night because he feels like he’s drowning at least once a month. There are good parts, like us all holding each other so close, but we have all the scars too. Toph’s bad at agreeing to do something just a week before it happens. Commitment scares her. I wonder if it feels too much like a trap, like she’ll wake up and not be herself or something. She’s so scared, just like the rest of us. Her monsters are as hungry as ours, they just look different._

_Do we have any food left from dinner?_

_To bring to her? Always._

Sokka pulls Katara close, _thank you._


	4. Chapter 4

Once upon a time soldiers that smelled of sulfur and iron killed a little boy’s mom. Once upon a time a little girl was kept in golden shackles. That little boy decided he was never losing anyone again, that he will fight until the end to protect the people he loves. The little girl keeps running, pushes away at any flash of metal lifted in her direction. If they fall in love, if the scruffy little boy never expected to find someone of his very own, if he doesn’t understand how he deserves it but desperately wants it anyway, he doesn’t know how this story ends. 

Sokka is scrappy and brash and overprotective. He has nightmares about fire cutting through ice. He never expected to find any real footing, only to move from place to place, scraping together a life, a failure to those he loves. Surprisingly, that’s not what happens. Once in a while Sokka finds himself wondering what would have happened if he and Katara hadn’t gone out that day, if they hadn’t found Aang, and it chills him every time, that all their happiness rests so tenuously on that single moment. 

Aang thinks them meeting was always a given, that it couldn’t have gone any differently than this. Sokka isn’t sure if that’s even possible, all he knows is that it’s _pouring_ , buckets of cold rain cascading down onto the streets, and he’s standing under the narrow awning in front of Toph’s door, waiting for her to get home. It’s not winter yet, but late fall is just as cold and the wind is icy. Sokka thinks longingly of his warm parkas that are hopefully still in her closet and he _waits_. 

Luckily, he doesn’t have to wait too long. Less than ten minutes later he sees her, ridiculously short and wearing the same coat she’s had for five years. And she sees him, standing in the glow of her porch light, and she keeps walking toward him, he walks a few steps forward to meet her, and there they are, together, both getting soaked by the downpour. And _oh_ , he missed her. Even in the dim light he can make out every part of her face, hair tucked into her hood. He can’t believe he’s stayed away this long. But instead of crying, or picking her up for a bone crushing hug, he grins. _I brought dinner_. She returns his smile, and suddenly the freezing rain feels twenty degrees warmer. _Come on in, stranger._

Her apartment smells the same, something distinctly _Toph_ , and it’s as messy as ever. Other than that, it looks the same, a few dishes in the sink and clothes strewn around, but that all says _busy_ more than _baby_. Toph disappears into the other room to change her wet clothes and he slips off his coat, hanging it over the back of a chair like always. _Working late again?_

_I don’t know another way to do it._

_You know that some people value their free time?_

_And some people hate their work._

_The kids are lucky to have you._

_Eh, someone’s gotta whip them into shape._

_Oh, don’t do that._

_Do what?_

_Pretend you don’t like your young earthbenders as much as they like you._

_Fuck! You know my secret._

He still can’t see her, but he can hear the smile in her voice. _I know all your secrets Toph Beifong, no use pretending anymore._ He says it to make her laugh but instead she’s quiet, not moving, he can hear her breathing behind the doorway, just out of sight. _Hey. Hi. You don’t need to hide from me._

_I’m not hiding!_

The indignation is so familiar his chest aches. _I miss you. I’ve missed you. I hate this, us like this._

_I thought you were leaving for the South Pole soon._

_Tomorrow._

_Oh._ She closes her eyes for a breath. _Sokka, why are you here?_

_Because Katara knows best, I’ve only stayed away because I thought it would make things worse, and she said it wouldn’t and-_

_Sokka. Why are you here?_

_Why’d you let me in?_

_You know why-_

_Toph, can I ask you a question?_

_Anything, cowboy._

_Katara mentioned something to me tonight._

Toph laughs, brittle and sharp. _Does she have a theory?_

_It’s Katara, she always has a theory. She said – she said you might not believe that we love you, that we love you no matter what._

_We?_

_Me. I. I love you, Toph. You’re my best friend. Nothing feels right without you. And there isn’t anything you can do to change that. **I think that I am going to spend the rest of my life making you realize that.**_

And it’s only then, after Sokka pulls out his last trick, a faux-dramatic declaration, that Toph finally comes back into the room. Her hair is toweled dry, damp at the ends, and she’s wearing pajamas. Except, they aren’t anything that Sokka recognizes because, _oh_. Somehow, Katara delivering the news hadn’t made it sink in all the way but here they are, Toph backlit in the light of her bedroom’s doorway, stomach obvious and looking like she might cry. She opens her mouth to speak, to say something like _I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry_ , but before she can get any words out he’s across the room, pulling her into his arms, and she _melts_ into the embrace. Her head still fits under his chin, even if the rest of her is a different shape, and some part of Sokka that’s been screaming since the last time he left finally quiets, finally takes a breath. 

They stand like that for a long time, until he feels a small movement brush against one of his ribs and Toph shrinks back, hurriedly gesturing to her midsection. _Sorry, sorry, that always freaks me out, it’s so weird, sorry_ , and Sokka places the feeling as similar to both of Katara’s pregnancies. 

_It’s cool too, that someone’s moving around in there._

_Cool for you maybe. Very parasite alien for me._

He laughs and tugs her back into him, _are you hungry?_

He reheats the food and she flops back on the couch, _I’m so fucking tired all the time, no one tells you about that._ They eat atop the squishy cushions he’s spent so much time on, she tells him silly things about how the school is doing, and if Sokka is distracted by how much he wants to kiss her, he tries to hide it. 

It’s only after they’ve eaten and Sokka’s cleaned all the dishes on her counters that she carefully sounds out the words, _can we talk? I think I need to tell you a few things._

He nods, sits back down across from her, tries to make it seem like his heart isn’t in his throat. _Shoot, cowgirl._

_First, um, I want you to know that you don’t have to be here, I know it’s awful to ask you to do anything for me after-_

_Hey. I want to be here._

_You do?_

_You’re here, aren’t you? Only reason I need._

_But I-_

_I meant what I said earlier, Toph._ He shifts forward, neither of them are used to being this vulnerable, they don’t have much practice. _You can’t drive me away. I’ll leave if you want, but only if you ask. You can’t scare me off._

Toph inhales sharply and tears start to drip down her cheeks, _I never wanted you to leave, you’re – you’re my person, Sokka. God, that sounds so stupid, but it’s true. Everything sucks without you. I just, I did this thing._ She gestures to her stomach again, _and then I made it real, I decided a kid wouldn’t be the worst thing ever, I didn’t want to immortalize my mistake, I don’t even remember the guy, I didn’t like him, I didn’t like any of them, I wanted them all to be you, I even kept saying your name, kept slipping up, scared a bunch of them off like that, I just, a kid sounded ok. And now I think that might have been the wrong choice, I can’t do this, I don’t know how to._

Sokka reaches out, takes her hands in his, starts rubbing curves in her palms like he’s been doing for longer than he can really remember. _We’ve never been very good at this, have we._

_At what?_

_Loving each other._

_Oh._

_It should be so easy, you make me happy and I miss you when you’re gone and I think you’re fun, and smart, and beautiful, and you’re my favorite person. But it’s not that easy, is it? We took so long to figure ourselves out, and we’re so bad at talking about it, still. I love you, Toph. And I think when you love someone, you talk about that with them._

_That doesn’t sound like the worst thing ever._

_I am so sorry I scared you. I will never stop regretting that. But I know you, I would have understood, I don’t like being mad at you. I understand. We stumbled, and we’re us, so it was a big stumble._

_But?_

_But we’re both still here? Aren’t we?_

_I didn’t want you to go, ever. It was just so terrifying, for a second, to want you to stay so badly. You’re the only person I want to tell stuff too some days. And I can feel your laugh through my whole body. You make things safe, you make me feel safe. I’ve loved you since I was nineteen. It was annoying, and then it was scary, and then it was fun, and now – now I don’t know how to live any other way._

_Well then,_ Sokka smiles at her, pushes her hair off her face, _I don’t think we have to. Just next time, tell me when stuff is going on? Even if that stuff is a baby?_

 _Yeah. I think I can manage that._ And Toph pulls him to his feet, which is not an easy task when her center of gravity is so off kilter already, and kisses him. Just like that, Sokka has a home again.

He tells her that a few minutes later, she grins and whacks him in the shoulder. _You’re going to be a great mom, ok? And it’s ok to not know what you’re doing, remember when Katara accidentally set Bumi’s hair on fire? Either way-_

_Yeah?_

_I’ll be here to help. If you want._

She nods and exhales. He goes to pick up his things, start on the way out, when she quietly (Toph is never quiet like this) begins to speak. _I can’t marry you._

_I know, it’s ok. Really. I just thought it might be fun, but we’ve never needed that to be real. Right?_

She smiles, small and slow. 

_Even after all this time there’s still so much I don’t know about you. I want to know it all, eventually, or as much as you want to share. I hate that I couldn’t be here for you._

_Sokka?_ Something flickers across her face, it’s an expression he’s never seen before. _I can’t marry you, but do you think there’s still a way you could stay? I’d like it if you stayed._

_Near you? Always._

He doesn’t leave that night. Or the next. Or the one after that. Sokka cancels his plans to leave the next day, Katara smirks and says she’s already started unpacking, that _we’re so glad you’re staying_ , and when they show up to Air Temple Island a few days later, Toph griping about her lower back with a familiar intensity and Sokka grinning at her uncontrollably, everything feels _right again_.


End file.
